


Missing pieces

by ita



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, I Made Myself Cry, I'm Sorry, Identity Reveal, POV Outsider, Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Mess, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Spider-Man: Far From Home, Spider-Man Identity Reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:15:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29244168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ita/pseuds/ita
Summary: James Brown had a lot of complicated patients before. After all, he does live in a city where aliens attack almost every other year. So when he was hired by Midtown high to help students deal whit the trauma left from the Blib he didn't expect to find a kid who looked like the weight of the world rested on his shoulders.____What happens when Midtown high school hire a psychiatrist?
Relationships: May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 8
Kudos: 282





	Missing pieces

**Author's Note:**

> Good morning! (It's not)  
> So...I hate fanfictions describing what happened after Endgame. I really do. They always make me cry and, believe me, I cried about Endgame enough as it is. Ask my poor mom who has to deal with it.  
> However today I will be making you cry because I'm nice like that! (Sorry. Not sorry)

James Brown watched students pass by as he made his way to his office. It was half-past nine and he knew his next patient was already waiting for him. He didn’t like to be late or behind schedule even if the one waiting for him was a high school kid. It seemed unprofessional. 

So James hurried down the halls of the midtown high school of science and technology searching for the right office. It was his second week of working here and he still wasn't used to the layout of the building. He probably won’t have time to get used to it anyways. After all, he was hired to work here for a rather short time. Which was a mistake, he kept telling everyone.

And no it was not a mistake because James needed this job to pay his bills. He didn’t. He was a psychiatrist and the world needed a lot of those after half of the universe disappeared for five years. It was a mistake because if they wanted these kids to recover they should give James time with them to talk things through and not rush the process. 

But as it was he had two sessions with each student. Not nearly enough time to rid traumatized teenagers of their problems. Still, James will try his best because he liked helping people. It was the reason why he became a psychiatrist in the first place. 

He finally found the right door. Inside, a brown-haired kid was already waiting for him. He seemed nervous. He was picking on the skin of his fingers while looking around like he expected someone to suddenly appear out of nowhere and attack him. That’s alright, the boy wasn’t the first to have doubts about psychiatry. 

“Good afternoon, I’m Dr. Brown. But if you prefer you can call me James.” Said James with a smile he hoped would help the boy relax a little.

“Hi, I’m Peter.” That was all the kid said, his eyes finally settling on James. But there was something that bothered James in Peter’s eyes. You see, James had patients who came home from the war before and Peter was looking at him just like they did. Like he was debating if James was a treat.

“Well, Peter I’m here to help you and your classmates adjust and talk about what happened in the past few years. Nothing else. And you don’t need to tell me anything you are not comfortable with, alright?” James said because he didn’t want to scare Peter away. James already knew these two sessions with Peter will not be enough. Not when Peter looked like he didn't intend to talk at all. 

Peter nodded. And that just wouldn’t do. James needed the kid to talk to him so he could help. Because it was awfully obvious that Peter needed some sort of help. He could see dark shadows under Peter’s brown eyes and his finger was bleeding where he picked on it earlier. He saw behavior like this in some of the other students too. Mostly in kids who lost someone close to them.

Almost all of them opened up to James when he gently asked about it. They told him of their loved ones with tears streaming down their faces and it broke James's heart every single time. But still, it was better than pushing emotions down and that was exactly what Peter here was doing.

So James softly asked: “Have you lost anyone since the Snap Peter?” James expected the boy to break down and tell him about a lost loved one like so many (too many) of his peers did. Especially because James could tell by the way Peter tensed and pulled his face into a grimace that he was right, Peter did lose someone.

But instead, he found himself frowning at Peter’s answer. Because the boy muttered “N-no.” And James couldn't figure out why Peter would lie about something like this. Sure some of the other kids didn’t want to tell him about their dead friends or family but none of them outright lied. 

Obviously, he will need a different approach here so he tried making Peter less tense by telling him about James’s own life. To show him that it was okay to share painful memories.”I lost my sister. She was in the half of the population that vanished. When she came back she was in the middle of the road. She didn’t survive.” James felt the familiar sort of sadness in  
his chest at the memory of Lucy. 

Peter shifted in his chair and even looked James in the eyes as he said. “I’m sorry.” James was used to people apologizing even if they didn’t do anything wrong. It was something they all did to show sympathy after all. But Peter said it as if Lucy’s death really was his fault and James didn’t expect self-hatred and guilt that showed in Peter’s eyes. 

James didn't like it when such ugly emotions presented themselves in anyone. Much less a sixteen-year-old kid. He already knew addressing what reflected in teen’s eyes was not a turn in the right direction. At least not with Peter. So he let it go for now and said. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault. It isn’t anyone’s fault.”

Peter didn’t look convinced and he mumbled something that James couldn’t quite catch. So James tried once more to comfort the confusing teenager. “ Really Peter it’s not your fault and honestly I don’t know why you would think it is in the first place. Like I said it’s not anyone’s fault. My sister just had a lot of bad luck vanishing in the middle of the road. And no one could control where they reappeared from what I heard, but you probably know that better than I do.”

Peter paled at the application of his vanishing, looking hurt just by memory, and said “I guess so.” James waited a moment longer hoping the boy would continue to talk, but Peter stayed silent, so James asked.”Were you in school when it happened?”

Most of the kids were and James thought Peter was as well. So he was surprised, for what seemed like the hundredth time since their session began, when Peter hesitated before weakly answering. “I-uh...no.”

Now usually James would question his patient further after getting such an incomplete answer but Peter looked ready to bolt to the door and out of the office or maybe start bawling his eyes out or both, so instead of asking about Peter’s experience of vanishing, he decided to ask about his return five years or minutes (it depends on who you ask) later.

“Alright. What about when you returned? That must have been really confusing. Your classmates told me it was all very disorienting. ” Though other kids told him coming back was a very overwhelming experience they still talked about it more openly. Or at least more openly compared to their hesitant talk about vanishing.

“I-I didn’t...really have... uh the time to think about...You know, what happened.” It was the longest thing Peter said since he came into James’s office but even so James couldn’t count it as a win because Peter’s breaths were coming a little too fast and erratic. He looked a second away from a panic attack James realized. 

“Peter? It’s okay we don’t need to talk about it. Just breath, alright?” Peter nodded and took a shallow breath.

It wasn’t the first time James helped someone calm down from a panic attack or in Peter’s case an almost panic attack. Still, he felt angry with himself for not being more careful with his questions. When James concentrated on Peter, he noticed that boy was doing an excellent job of calming down. Too good for it to be the first time Peter came close to a panic attack. James let himself wonder if Peter had panic attacks even before half of the universe vanished and if he did why?

“Does it happen a lot? Panic attacks?” James asked and Peter slumped in his chair. Eyes never leaving the floor Peter answered ”Uhh ...kinda? It got worse after the Blib” So Peter’s problems did start sometime before the Snap, James thought but he didn’t try to confront Peter about it. Not when he obviously didn't want to talk about it. 

James decided it would probably be better if they talked about lighter themes for the rest of their session since the whole vanishing and returning thing seemed to be a trigger for Peter. And so they talked about Peter’s school life and his friends Michelle and Ned who yet had to come by James’s office. Peter also talked about his aunt and when James asked Peter told him she was his only living relative left. They even talked about his uncle a little. And who knew Peter was actually really talkative when you’re not asking him all the wrong questions. 

They ended their first session when the bell rang announcing biology class for Peter and new students to talk to for James. 

Some people would say James’s session with Peter wasn't a success because they didn’t really talk about the Snap much (that was after all why the school hired him) but James wasn't a miracle maker. He couldn’t make kids open up to him on their first encounter. And he did understand Peter a little better even if the boy only talked about his life before the Snap and even then he obviously avoided some stuff. There were some pieces of the puzzle Peter wasn’t willing to give to James. Not yet. Maybe not ever. And without those pieces, the puzzle just didn’t make sense. 

James hoped he would get some hints about missing pieces on their next session but for now, he needed to concentrate on the next student in line for psychiatry. The mystery of Peter Parker could wait. 

_____

The next time he found Peter in his office the boy was asleep. Honestly, James expected Peter to be late today since there was a school assembly to honor Tony Stark and his sacrifice for them all. But Peter was here, sitting in the same chair as the last time. James didn’t want to wake him up. It was the first time he saw Peter without his nervous energy and tense posture. So he tried to close the door behind him as quietly as he could but as soon as they closed Peter’s head jerked up and he was out of the chair before James could blink.

Peter looked ready for a fight and when he figured he was at school he slowly blinked at James before sitting back down while mumbling an exhausted apology.

James sat down as well. “It’s okay. We all need a nap sometimes.” He did not address Peter’s extreme reaction to being woken up, hoping Peter will mention it on his own if he wanted to talk about it.” How are you doing, Peter?” James asked, already knowing the answer by Peter’s red eyes. 

The answer he got however was “I’m fine.” and James gave Peter a look that clearly said he didn’t believe a word that came out of his mouth. Peter sighed before trying again.”I can’t sleep. It’s just...Every time I close my eyes I’m back on Titan and-” Peter suddenly cut himself off. James guessed by Peter’s wide eyes he said something he didn’t mean to.

James didn’t know what, though. The word Titan was familiar but he just couldn’t recall where he heard it before. Was it some kind of city? Maybe in Europe? Uh, James was never good at geography. 

Peter was still looking at James probably trying to figure out if James noticed his slip up. When it became obvious that James didn’t (or at least had no idea what it meant) Peter relaxed and finished his earlier sentence. ”A-and If I was better I could have...I could have saved him.” There were tears in Peter’s eyes now.

Peter could be talking about his lost uncle but James didn’t think he was. The pain in Peter’s eyes was just too fresh for something that happened more than a year ago. “Peter keeping people safe isn’t your job and even if it would be it would not be your fault for not being able to save someone.” James hoped his word would scare away at least a little bit of Peter’s self-doubt but they seemed to make it worse.

Peter glared at James through his tears. “It’s my responsibility. Keeping everyone safe.” And the boy said it with such certainty James almost believed him. Almost. Because Peter’s responsibility should be doing homework and helping at home, not keeping the world safe. James couldn’t understand why Peter thought he was responsible for such a thing.

“That’s not your responsibility and neither is it your job, Peter. Believe me. It’s not.” James tried to make Peter see that he did not need to make himself carry the weight of the world on his shoulders.

But Peter didn’t respond to James’s attempt at help very well. Because Peter laughed as if what James was saying was the best joke he ever heard. But it was a bitter and sad kind of laughter. “Then whose job is it?” Peter asked and James wanted to tell him it was the law that kept them all safe and so it wasn’t anyone's job, not really. But he had a feeling Peter would not be happy with that kind of answer. After all, the law did not save whoever he lost.

So James thought of what he could say to calm Peter down. What would ease the tension in the room and make Peter feel better at the same time? Then he remembered: Superheroes. Because Peter was just a kid, no matter how much he did not act like it. And if there was one thing James knew about kids it was that they all loved the Avengers.

“The Avengers. It's their job.“ Peter gave him a blank look. “And it's a dangerous job too. For people like Captain America and Iron-man to handle.” At the last name, Peter froze and James remembered Peter’s from Queens so he added: “ For someone like Spider-man. He’s around Queens a lot, right? And I heard he was participating in the fight with Thanos too.”

This time Peter flinched, looking as if someone had slapped him. James didn’t know where he went wrong because Peter looked a second away from a mental breakdown and James cursed himself for not being careful enough. Again. How could he be such a moron? James was supposed to help people with their problems not make them worse. He needed to fix this.“Peter I-”

Peter didn't let him finish his apology. “No,” He said in a voice so authorized it just couldn’t belong to a teenager. And at that moment Peter really did look like the world was his to protect even if there were tears running down his face. “I don’t want to talk anymore.” With that Peter Parker turned around and left James alone in his office.

____

After that James tried to talk to Peter again but every time he tried the kid slipped away, obviously not wanting to talk to him. James felt awful and even though he had sessions gone wrong before he just couldn’t stop himself from trying to figure out exactly what went wrong with Peter’s. But he just couldn’t figure it out. James couldn’t find a reason why talk about superheroes would bother Peter as much as it did. He knew there was a reason. There needed to be one. If only he could figure out what it was.

____

The end of the month came quickly and so did James’s time to leave Midtown high. As intended he had two sessions with each kid and now it was time for James to leave. Honestly, he was kind of relieved. Ever since the day Peter stormed out of his office James was scared he would mess up again. Some time off would do him good.

____

James didn’t think of Peter a lot after that. He didn’t want to because it always made him frustrated and disappointed with himself. But in summer he was, once again, reminded of the boy, when the whole world received a video about Spider-man from some guy named Beck.

“Spider-man’s real name is Peter Parker.” The video said and James wanted to bang his head against a wall because it made sense.

His conversations with Peter came back to him and yes, now he understood. What James also understood was that he was an awful human being. He reminded Peter of his fight with Thanos on the day of Iron-man’s death assembly. Iron-man, who was a mentor to Spider-man, at least that was what the newspaper said. Really James couldn’t be sure how close Peter Parker and Tony Stark were but he had a suspicion Tony Stark was the person Peter talked about in their second session. How could he be so blind?

James had to ignore the impulse to get himself a glass (or a bottle) of vodka. First, he had to make it up to Peter. Because James knew the kid he was talking to did not murder anyone at least not in a way Quentin Beck described. So James put on his shoes and went to find the protesters who already gathered in New York’s busy streets ready to defend Spider-man.

Because they will defend their hero till their last breath and so will James.


End file.
